Relationship or marriage before children….Good old days right!! It was so easy to have time for your spouse or partner. You could make time whenever you need (mostly). Rekindling the romance by going away together for a few days, trying something new, date nights, and so on. How simple it was to make time for each other then! Now you might have a newborn or a toddler in your arm who demands so much of your attention, energy, and everything else. Consequently, there is hardly anything left for your spouse. Your baby needs you (obviously they are small to be left on their own). A baby cannot handle his own food and care until he grows up and your partner understands this. However, it is crucial to make time for each other to maintain a healthy relationship after having children. So many people keep asking me how to manage couple time after kids? How to carve out couple time after children? So here are a few things you need to know and a few tips to try
Tips to maintain a healthy relationship after having children and carving out couple time after kids
Set out time for each other every day – Crucial aspect of couple time after children
Yes! It does sound easy to do but really difficult to manage. However, it is crucial that you set out specific times each day for each other. The connection between two individuals requires talking, touching, understanding, etc. So how do you maintain that connection? Reserve a few minutes or sometimes for each other no matter what. Cuddling and talking to each other for a few minutes before you get out of the bed, showering together (if possible), eating one meal together, having a nighttime routine that involves both of you being together.
I and my husband spend time together in the morning sipping tea or coffee before our son wakes up. We have a nighttime routine of giving each other foot massages and then to our son. Reading with our son all of us cuddling together. On weekends we make sure we spend more time with each other intentionally. Think of amazing ideas to liven up your couple time after children.
Hug each other minimum of seven times a day and kiss at least once
Physical touch is important for any relationship. Hugging, kissing and touching each other is the best kind of interaction you can have with each other when you cannot have intimacy all together because of responsibilities or lack of help. Yes! I have seen parents handling everything together without any help. I wonder how they make time for each other.
Kissing each other can take you to amazing places. It is a simple way of expressing your love for your partner. Make sure you kiss each other at least once a day. Sex is important too. However, it does not happen as often as we would like it to happen. ;P Try to make it happen no matter what! Include hugging, kissing, and sex in couple time after kids to a have great and energetic relationship
Have fun couple time after kids by planning frequent date nights
Date night is important after having children too. Spending time with each other in a romantic setting, talking about things other than children ( if you can ;p) , getting to know each other again. It is very important to rekindle your relationship from time to time and maintain a healthy relationship after having children. Plan a couple night or date night every week or at least once a month. Plan it beforehand or impromptu whichever your style. I say plan ahead so you can arrange for a babysitter or someone to look after your child.
After having a child both of us have changed a lot. This is the most interesting way how me and my husband got to know each other again.
Always make sure you prioritize your spouse too
Yes! Your baby is very important to you now! It is such a tiny being or a toddler who needs your love and complete attention. However, you need to understand your spouse or partner is a priority too. It is crucial that you prioritize your partner at times too. There are times when he or she needs you more than the baby. Be sure to recognize such moments and try your best to make time for each other. This is the most required way of maintaining a healthy relationship after children.
Accept help whenever offered
Sometimes I meet people for whom, it is very difficult to accept help from anyone. Everybody around you understands the efforts that go into raising a child or raising children. People around you might offer you help. Your parents might offer to look after your child for a day or two, your friends might pitch in for babysitting so you two can go out on a date. Yes! There are people like that. In such cases, please accept help when it is offered. You can be grateful for it. Accepting help from someone can give you some time to rest or carve out couple time after kids. Whatever you need!
The best thing you can do is give help to people in need whenever you can. If you have friends with young children, offer to help them babysit for an evening so they can have a date night. Ask a new mother if she needs something from the grocery store while you are going to restock your supplies.
I know I was grateful when somebody hopped in to help me with a newborn. My mother was with me for 3 months after the delivery and if not for her it would have been very stressful for me as I had a vaginal delivery with a few complications 🙂 ). I am grateful to my family being around to help me.
Check out an amazing article on “How To Get Things Done When You Have Children?”
Plan night routines together to have everyday couple time after children
Night routines are important. It is very important for children and adults as well. Why do I say plan your night routines? Night routines are when you mostly have nothing on your mind. Everything is done and dusted (mostly everything). You are relaxed and ready to rest. It is a beautiful time for everyone. Plan your nighttime routines together. Having a bath together, reading together (one person can read and another can listen), giving foot massages, cuddling, and talking is a few ideas you can put into your night routines.
You can do this after you put your child to sleep or include them as well. Planning it night time helps you keep that as the last thing on your mind when you sleep. You can be grateful for each other and your little one as you drift into the night. So plan your night routines together and add this into couple time after kids.
Dividing responsibilities around the house and with the children is a sure way of making more time for each other and making time for oneself. Once you have a baby your life is never the same, neither are you the same. I can say I am not the same I was before having a child. It is easy for both partners to have a fair share of workload around the house (considering the workload outside the home as well). I say this because a new mother has gone through so much, so a husband might have to do more than his fair share of workload for the first three months. After that when the mother is strong she can get back to normal and you can divide the work so both of you get time for each other and for yourselves as well.
Respect that the other person is doing his or her share of the workload. Do not be judgemental of how it is being done ( not meeting your standards). It is important that your partner is helping. For some time just relax and surrender to getting things done more than how it is done or how it can be done better. This is a special trick that has helped me a lot. My husband now understands the importance of how much a mother has to around the house and how small things can help relieve her of her tiredness and helps brighten her mood and health as well. This makes me love him more. It helps maintain a healthy relationship after having children.
Give each other some me time to maintain a healthy relationship after having children
“Me time” I cannot tell you enough about the beauty of me time. Me time is different for every individual. Somebody might like to spend their time alone or someone might like spending it with their children. Someone may like to spend it reading, meditating, or watching something they like. However you spend it, it is crucial to give yourself some time to rejuvenate your mind and body.
Me time is easy to manage when you do not have children. Plan it ahead and it is done. However, after having children, everything is so impromptu that planned times never work. So much effort goes into making sure you get me time that it seems that it’s not worth it. It is a great idea to make sure your partner gets his or her time because they might not have the energy to make it happen. This shows them that they understand how important it is to relax and rejuvenate. It helps strengthen your relationship in the most compassionate way.
I love it when my husband orders food on Sundays because he understands I need a one day break from all the cooking. In fact many times I find him trying to learn how to cook so that he can cook on Sundays. On weekends he loves spending time watching something and I try to give him some uninterrupted time by engaging our kid outside or with some other activity.
Like how our children need to be cared for and nurtured, relationships need to be nurtured too. Thinking of spending time with each other and making it happen is the most important thing you can do to make sure you have regular couple time after children. You may not be able to spend the same amount of time as you had before your children. However, the quality of the time you spend with each other matters more now. Spending time with each other is crucial to maintain a healthy relationship after having children.